I'm Gonna Watch You Shine...

I spend most of my time with little people. Being responsible for shaping little lives is huge. HUGE. Sometimes I have no words. I have 2 of my own and 24 that are not my own, but I spend so much time with them that they are pretty much my own too. Make no mistake, it is no joke. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Being a mom of 2 little ones is the most amazing thing I will ever do. I am so lucky. But this post is for my Beans, my only girl who shines so bright. She's at the age where she's asking so many questions and she's taking it all in. This thing called life. I can see the reflection in her big brown eyes. And I can see the wheels turning. And it always makes me smile. She has so much personality in one little person that has only been in our lives for 6 really fast years. As a mom, you always pray that you are doing the right thing. Making the right choices. Being a good role model. Saying the right things. Answering all the questions. So MANY questions. And teaching these little people to be smart, to be strong, to make good choices, to be aware, to be independent and to love life. To take it all in. It's a big job. One that I wouldn't trade for anything. One that when I think about what I am doing, what I am taking on here. Running Boston. There are so many reasons but one reason is for them. But especially for her...

"I believe the light that shines on you will shine on you forever." ~Paul Simon

I want her to know that she can do anything she puts her mind to. That she can do really hard things. That she can push herself to the limit. That she's a fighter. That she comes from such strong women. That she can go anywhere. She can be anything. She can learn anything. She can accomplish anything. She can. And she will because I see it in her already. And it makes me so proud.

It also makes me teary and it makes me wish I could stop time.

But I can't. And it's moving much too fast for me, for us but all we can do is go right along with it and pray that we are doing it all right. For these little people who depend on us for everything. For these little souls who need to know all the answers to all the things. I only hope I am answering correctly.

At 6, I'm her best friend, in the whole wide world. She never wants to leave my side (or my bed) and she thinks I am the most beautiful person she has ever seen in her life. In my 39 year old mind, I think she's a bit delusional but I would never, ever tell her that because what she sees is from her heart and that is where true beauty lies. Beauty comes from the inside. We need to teach our girls that being kind, being strong, being smart, and being good to people is what true beauty is.

Today we were swimming and she was trailing behind me telling me she needed me to be her lifeguard (she was fine). She then said, "Mama, when you were a lifeguard I bet you were the most beautiful lifeguard. With shiny hair. And no legs, like a beautiful mermaid." So clearly she's a little delusional but I'll take it because she is the sweetest, funniest kid in the world and she makes us laugh one million times a day. She asks me so many questions about this journey. Did you run Mama? How far Mama? Was it cold Mama? Are you tired Mama? Was it hard Mama? You can do it Mama! Did you already run the Marathon Mama? I just love you Mama. So so much Mama.

And at 6, she's just this perfect little person that I want to stay exactly the way she is. Kind hearted, honest, funny, sweet, strong and happy. The way she is with us. The way she is with everyone she knows in her small little village. She idolizes real people in her life. Not people on television or in magazines. Real people that she knows. Good people that love her and show her how to be strong, smart, confident and love herself. How can I make that person stay put? I ask myself that question every day. And the only answer I have is to keep her village like my own. Just full of really good people. People who love her, people who care for her and only want the best for her, always. People who have her back. This is what's most important in life.

So I hope. A lot. I hope that we're doing it right. I hope that she knows she's amazing. I hope she knows that she can do anything she puts her mind to. I hope she knows that she's strong enough to take on anything and I hope that she takes our words and listens to them so closely and so carefully that she collects them and stores them forever in her heart and her mind. Because I know she'll need them later when those tough decisions stare her down.

She might not need them at 6. But she will need them soon.

And I hope she always knows that I will be her in her corner, cheering for her with all of these words and answers for her questions. Because I know what it's like to have that.

And all I want is to give it back.